Saturday, August 10, 2013

A Glimpse into the Neurotic (or just plain crazy) Brain

I'm sure you are aware by now that my brain doesn't really function like a normal person's brain. I start off with a normal enough thought, but then it quickly derails and heads straight for Crazytown at supersonic speeds. That causes me to make a decision based off crazy logic instead of real logic. Usually it's with inconsequential stuff so it doesn't really do any harm. Like my most recent thought-process about lottery tickets. The potential lottery winnings reached to nearly half a billion (yes, billion) dollars so I considered spending the $2 for a chance to be on easy street for the rest of my life. And that's as far as I got with any semblance of normal thought. Because from there my mind jumped to this:

Knowing my luck, I'll buy a lottery ticket, and then win the jackpot, and then, after my first check gets cashed, I'll get struck by lightening and die before I ever have a chance to spend a dime. And then Harry will get all the money, which is fine, I want him to have it because he'll use it to make sure the kids are set for life. But then he'll meet some cheap, gold-digging floozie and she will use her stupid, sneaky, gold-digging woman charms to convince Harry to marry her, and she'll be the evil stepmother that my kids read about when they were little in all those fairy tales and she'll steal all the money left to Harry that he would have used for the kids, and they'll all be miserable and have terrible lives. All because Harry went and married some stupid, selfish bimbo. 


And then the logic kicks back in for a second and I realize that was a totally random, completely ridiculous thought. BUT, because I had that thought, I'm somehow convinced that if I buy a ticket, all of that might actually happen. So I decide I can't buy a lottery ticket because I don't want to die and leave my kids to be miserable for the rest of their lives. Harry, however, I don't feel so bad for because he's the one that was stupid enough to marry a dumb, gold digging, bimbo. And then, finally, real logic makes its way back into my brain. And I realize how silly that whole train of thought was. Because even if I do buy a ticket, I'm never going to win the lottery. So I bought a ticket. And, thankfully, I didn't win.

That kind of thought process happens more often than I care to admit. But, like I said, it's pretty harmless so no big deal. I'm getting better at realizing how crazy my thoughts are in those cases, so I feel pretty confident that no real damage will be done to anyone else. However, there are times where my neurotic paranoia can be kind of dangerous for other people. Fortunately, I have Harry around to tell me that it's not them, it's me.

We just came back from a fun little weekend getaway in the mountains. Very near Nature (thankfully we stayed in the filtered, concrete-laden, busy tourist area and never ventured out into the gross wilderness where all the insect-infested animals live), but far enough away that I could appreciate it from within my air conditioned hotel room. The road trip there was fun and we stopped at goofy places along the way and generally had a great time. On our way back home though, we stopped at a gas station/mega mart and decided to get some snacks for the trip back. I was looking for a specific candy bar and was lamenting how no one seems to carry it anymore when out of nowhere some stranger (i.e. Murderer) started talking. Directly to me. 
"You know you can get those down the street at the other gas station. I seen them there all the time. You know what place I'm talkin' 'bout? It's right off the main drag, near the mountains."

I quickly stepped back closer to Harry, while maintaining eye contact with the Murderer (because if you don't, you're more likely to die), and just nodded my head and mumbled "Great, thanks," then I turned and went down the next aisle. I was looking for Mace. Harry saw me intently perusing the items in that aisle and asked me what I was looking for. I told him I was looking for something to keep the Murderer at bay should he get any strange ideas about following us because clearly he had bad intentions. Harry stared blankly at me for a minute, then sudden realization washed over him.

"Uh, you know he was just being friendly, right? People do that here. They talk to people they don't know. Because. They're. Friendly. And. Like. To. Be. Helpful. Put the pepper spray down, we're not buying it."

It's a good thing I have this man in my life. Although between you and I, I'm not entirely convinced we didn't narrowly escape a terrible, painful death. See what buying lottery tickets gets you? Near death experiences.

Friday, July 26, 2013

We're Not Dead!

Hello, Readers!

We hope you are still around! I realize it's been a really long time since we've done anything on here, but we have been busy, busy, busy! Okay, well Harry's been busy, busy, busy. Too busy to draw, so it's all his fault that we don't have anything recent posted.

Like how I deflect blame? It takes years to perfect such a flawless technique, so don't be jealous. One day you can be a professional blame-thrower like me!

Anyway, we're going to do a catch-up blog since lots of things have happened while we were on our, uh, break. Katie is officially an adult. This is a big year for her - she had her 18th birthday, graduated high school, is getting ready to go to college, and got her very first apartment. But none of those events really made her feel like an adult, since she had help with getting all that done. So, to celebrate and prove her adult-ness, Katie did what any normal 18 year old would do when faced with the sudden realization that you can make all your own choices: she chopped off all her hair and turned it platinum blonde. Because nothing screams ADULT like hair color that is very clearly not your natural one.

The Boy. On the day he was exactly 15 years, 6 months (almost down to the hour), he got his learner's permit. Thankfully I remembered the last time we had a kid get a learner's permit and quickly dumped the driving lessons on Harry.

Like I said, it takes years to perfect this kind of responsibility shirking. So Harry has been taking The Boy out driving. It's pretty much the same thing we went through with Katie. Only with more...exposition. The end result was the same, though.

He's still in brainiac school and just loves that he has a summer reading assignment that is due on the very first day back. Really, this kind of enthusiasm just can't be taught.

Harry is still plugging along at school, and he's been doing some student teaching now. With the exception of one "pants emergency," he's had a blast mixing it up with the Future Leaders of Tomorrow.

Although he still needs to work on not over extending himself with school projects. Sometimes a Power Point presentation is enough.

And finally, about me (isn't that what it's really all that matters?) - I had to retire from roller derby. My knees made it abundantly clear that they will no longer participate in such shenanigans. I miss it a lot, but I also like being able to look at a flight of steps and not immediately wish for one of those chair-elevator things to take me up them. I can go up and down the steps on my very own! Work is still going well, but commuting with The Boy to drop him off at school isn't quite the bonding experience I was hoping for.

That's okay, because when he does get his license, I'm going to make him drive to Columbus. To get experience driving, of course.

And we almost forgot about Nugget! Our little neurotic wonder is still fat, and still clueless. However he recently discovered that the bath tub is the place to hide whenever a thunder storm strikes. Or fireworks. Or truck backfires. Or anything that's loud. But trust me, that bath tub is preferable to his old "safe" spot.

Now that we (*cough* HARRY) is done for the summer, we will be back on track blogging and drawing more of our adventures. Stay tuned for our next exciting blog: Harry and the Hornet's Nest!

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Gimme A Break

So, Harry has been in school non-stop for almost a year and a half now. He's thinking about taking the Summer off this time. I think it's a good idea. Mainly because this was the series of texts I received from him within the course of an hour:

Math is poopie!

Math is stinky!

Math is not so much fun :(

And THEN, after that, I received these in an email:

Apparently he decided this information was more vital than actually doing his Math work. Yeah, I think a break is a good idea...

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Christmas Shenanigans

Yes, I realize it's been nearly 8 weeks since Christmas but I'm still playing catch up* so this is our post-Christmas wrap up.

I should start off by explaining exactly how excited we get about Christmas. I love it. It's my favorite holiday. Every year I make Harry drag out all our tree decorations (for our fake tree - we go back and forth every year about having a real tree and I always lose. Always. Yes, feel sorry for me), including our super awesome amazing bubble lights. Don't know what bubble lights are? They're only the best kinds of lights EVER. They are candle-shaped lights filled with a colorful liquid that starts to bubble when they are turned on. They are pure magic. Those lights are in addition to our regular lights, which will blink and change colors. And then we have green & silver beads that go all over the tree. Then we add our ornaments over that. We always put our Godzilla and sumo wrestler (yes, you read that right. We are THAT awesome) ornaments in prime viewing spots, for obvious reasons. And on the very top is Santa, dressed all old timey and velvety. Basically, it's the best tree ever.
However, every year after Thanksgiving Harry starts involuntarily twitching. The closer it progresses to Tree Decorating Day the more he twitches. His obssession with symetry means that it pretty much takes all day for him the decorate the tree (what, you thought I did it? Do you not know me at all by now??), because not only do the regular lights have to be perfectly aligned, the bubble lights also need to be placed exactly 90 degrees on each tree branch for optimal bubbling capacity. And the beads "have to" be evenly spaced between branches. Othwerwise apparently the world as we know it will end. So, as you can imagine, it's a long process.
Anyway, last Christmas we decided that we should make a fun game for the kids Christmas morning. We decided to make a scavenger hunt for their gifts. So we hid all their presents and Harry made different puzzles (cross words, word finds, sudoku, etc.) for them to solve in order to get their clue and then find their gifts. Hilarity ensued and we enjoyed ourselves immensely. The kids seemed to have fun too (although at one point Katie did say "Why do I have to do Math on Christmas??") and it was another successful Christmas.
This year we figured why not do it again? Only this time we'll make it even MORE challenging, because what kid doesn't want to wake up Christmas morning and spend it searching all over the house for their presents? See what great parents we are? So Harry really kicked up and went all out. He made "spy kits" for the kids and inside they had all kinds of devices (also hand made) that would help in their "mission" to "find" Christmas. It came complete with mission (if they chose to accept it) instructions, as well as background information on the "bad" guy - the notorious Global Reindeer Intimidators and Notable Christmas Haters (G.R.I.N.C.H) and things like a Caesars cipher, QR codes, a cryptex and more! He packed it all inside a box he customized specifically to fit all the decoders and even included a "handy dandy notebook" complete with pen & pencil set. It was pretty amazing.

The most sinister puzzle of them all. A Paper-Craft Cryptex!
(There were no hints on the code required to open it)
Christmas morning Harry and I woke up extra early (okay, I woke up extra early and promptly woke Harry) and waited patiently (meaning I didn't bang on their doors yelling "It's CHRISTMAS! WAKE UP!!" like I did the year before) for the kids to wake up so they could walk into our family room to see nothing but one simple box underneath the Christmas tree. We thought we were being so clever. They'd be so disappointed! They'd wonder what happened! What a funny joke when they opened up the box to discover they'd have to search for their gifts! That's what I had imagined, at any rate.
In reality, they walked into the family room, saw their box, looked at each other and then with a sigh said, "Oh. We're doing this again?" But once they opened up their spy kit, they were laughing and having fun trying to decipher all the codes and run around the house looking for their gifts. It took the better part of two hours. And when it was over, they had a great time. Katie even said it was the best Christmas ever!
You should also know that our kids, being a product of us, are into this kind of twisted holiday celebration. We don't necessarily recommend this "Let's Have Fun AND Learn!" holiday approach for everyone's kids. It has the high liklihood of going terribly wrong and then you end up with nothing but crying and future therapy bills. Also, "G.R.I.N.C.H." is ours. If you use it without our permission we will find you and do unpleasant things to you. Consider yourselves warned.
...unless, of course, a little cash were to be slipped our way...
I can't wait until next year. We're already plotting bigger & better ways to slowly drive our children crazy on Christmas morning. Yes, we are expecting our Parents of the Year award any day now.

Harry's Code #1:
A gift is only as good as the amount of work you put into it...both as the giver and the reciever.

*As of this post, our tree is still up. Partly due to the incredible chore it is to remove all the crap off the tree and store it and partly because I would seriously keep the tree up all year long if I didn't think it would burn out my precious bubble lights. Recently Katie turned the tree on again in a sutble attempt to remind us to put the tree away but all it did was make me smile and stare at the tree for the better part of an hour admiring its beauty. Maybe by the time Easter rolls around we'll have it put away. Either that or it will just become the Easter Tree. Ooooh I just got a great idea...

Saturday, January 14, 2012


Dear Loyal Followers (all 15 of you!!),

Sorry we haven't been consistent with our blog posts - life has been getting in the way. We should have another blog up and running soon. As always, we'll pester you all to read it!