Saturday, August 10, 2013

A Glimpse into the Neurotic (or just plain crazy) Brain

I'm sure you are aware by now that my brain doesn't really function like a normal person's brain. I start off with a normal enough thought, but then it quickly derails and heads straight for Crazytown at supersonic speeds. That causes me to make a decision based off crazy logic instead of real logic. Usually it's with inconsequential stuff so it doesn't really do any harm. Like my most recent thought-process about lottery tickets. The potential lottery winnings reached to nearly half a billion (yes, billion) dollars so I considered spending the $2 for a chance to be on easy street for the rest of my life. And that's as far as I got with any semblance of normal thought. Because from there my mind jumped to this:

Knowing my luck, I'll buy a lottery ticket, and then win the jackpot, and then, after my first check gets cashed, I'll get struck by lightening and die before I ever have a chance to spend a dime. And then Harry will get all the money, which is fine, I want him to have it because he'll use it to make sure the kids are set for life. But then he'll meet some cheap, gold-digging floozie and she will use her stupid, sneaky, gold-digging woman charms to convince Harry to marry her, and she'll be the evil stepmother that my kids read about when they were little in all those fairy tales and she'll steal all the money left to Harry that he would have used for the kids, and they'll all be miserable and have terrible lives. All because Harry went and married some stupid, selfish bimbo. 


And then the logic kicks back in for a second and I realize that was a totally random, completely ridiculous thought. BUT, because I had that thought, I'm somehow convinced that if I buy a ticket, all of that might actually happen. So I decide I can't buy a lottery ticket because I don't want to die and leave my kids to be miserable for the rest of their lives. Harry, however, I don't feel so bad for because he's the one that was stupid enough to marry a dumb, gold digging, bimbo. And then, finally, real logic makes its way back into my brain. And I realize how silly that whole train of thought was. Because even if I do buy a ticket, I'm never going to win the lottery. So I bought a ticket. And, thankfully, I didn't win.

That kind of thought process happens more often than I care to admit. But, like I said, it's pretty harmless so no big deal. I'm getting better at realizing how crazy my thoughts are in those cases, so I feel pretty confident that no real damage will be done to anyone else. However, there are times where my neurotic paranoia can be kind of dangerous for other people. Fortunately, I have Harry around to tell me that it's not them, it's me.

We just came back from a fun little weekend getaway in the mountains. Very near Nature (thankfully we stayed in the filtered, concrete-laden, busy tourist area and never ventured out into the gross wilderness where all the insect-infested animals live), but far enough away that I could appreciate it from within my air conditioned hotel room. The road trip there was fun and we stopped at goofy places along the way and generally had a great time. On our way back home though, we stopped at a gas station/mega mart and decided to get some snacks for the trip back. I was looking for a specific candy bar and was lamenting how no one seems to carry it anymore when out of nowhere some stranger (i.e. Murderer) started talking. Directly to me. 
"You know you can get those down the street at the other gas station. I seen them there all the time. You know what place I'm talkin' 'bout? It's right off the main drag, near the mountains."

I quickly stepped back closer to Harry, while maintaining eye contact with the Murderer (because if you don't, you're more likely to die), and just nodded my head and mumbled "Great, thanks," then I turned and went down the next aisle. I was looking for Mace. Harry saw me intently perusing the items in that aisle and asked me what I was looking for. I told him I was looking for something to keep the Murderer at bay should he get any strange ideas about following us because clearly he had bad intentions. Harry stared blankly at me for a minute, then sudden realization washed over him.

"Uh, you know he was just being friendly, right? People do that here. They talk to people they don't know. Because. They're. Friendly. And. Like. To. Be. Helpful. Put the pepper spray down, we're not buying it."

It's a good thing I have this man in my life. Although between you and I, I'm not entirely convinced we didn't narrowly escape a terrible, painful death. See what buying lottery tickets gets you? Near death experiences.

Friday, July 26, 2013

We're Not Dead!

Hello, Readers!

We hope you are still around! I realize it's been a really long time since we've done anything on here, but we have been busy, busy, busy! Okay, well Harry's been busy, busy, busy. Too busy to draw, so it's all his fault that we don't have anything recent posted.

Like how I deflect blame? It takes years to perfect such a flawless technique, so don't be jealous. One day you can be a professional blame-thrower like me!

Anyway, we're going to do a catch-up blog since lots of things have happened while we were on our, uh, break. Katie is officially an adult. This is a big year for her - she had her 18th birthday, graduated high school, is getting ready to go to college, and got her very first apartment. But none of those events really made her feel like an adult, since she had help with getting all that done. So, to celebrate and prove her adult-ness, Katie did what any normal 18 year old would do when faced with the sudden realization that you can make all your own choices: she chopped off all her hair and turned it platinum blonde. Because nothing screams ADULT like hair color that is very clearly not your natural one.

The Boy. On the day he was exactly 15 years, 6 months (almost down to the hour), he got his learner's permit. Thankfully I remembered the last time we had a kid get a learner's permit and quickly dumped the driving lessons on Harry.

Like I said, it takes years to perfect this kind of responsibility shirking. So Harry has been taking The Boy out driving. It's pretty much the same thing we went through with Katie. Only with more...exposition. The end result was the same, though.

He's still in brainiac school and just loves that he has a summer reading assignment that is due on the very first day back. Really, this kind of enthusiasm just can't be taught.

Harry is still plugging along at school, and he's been doing some student teaching now. With the exception of one "pants emergency," he's had a blast mixing it up with the Future Leaders of Tomorrow.

Although he still needs to work on not over extending himself with school projects. Sometimes a Power Point presentation is enough.

And finally, about me (isn't that what it's really all that matters?) - I had to retire from roller derby. My knees made it abundantly clear that they will no longer participate in such shenanigans. I miss it a lot, but I also like being able to look at a flight of steps and not immediately wish for one of those chair-elevator things to take me up them. I can go up and down the steps on my very own! Work is still going well, but commuting with The Boy to drop him off at school isn't quite the bonding experience I was hoping for.

That's okay, because when he does get his license, I'm going to make him drive to Columbus. To get experience driving, of course.

And we almost forgot about Nugget! Our little neurotic wonder is still fat, and still clueless. However he recently discovered that the bath tub is the place to hide whenever a thunder storm strikes. Or fireworks. Or truck backfires. Or anything that's loud. But trust me, that bath tub is preferable to his old "safe" spot.

Now that we (*cough* HARRY) is done for the summer, we will be back on track blogging and drawing more of our adventures. Stay tuned for our next exciting blog: Harry and the Hornet's Nest!