Sunday, August 28, 2011

Seoul to Speak

Hello, Readers (I’m assuming there is more than one based on our five - no six! - followers – woot! Look how POPULAR we are!!) – I need two hands to count that high!
(Oh, FYI. That was Harry. If he ever feels like interjecting a comment instead of a drawing he uses blue text.)

Since the twists and turns in this neurotic head of mine are vast and multitudinous, I thought it’d be a good idea to try to familiarize you to our family, and to some of the more common words and/or phrases that I will use, and the random meanings I’ve given them. And no, they may not make sense to you, but they make perfect sense to me, and really, isn’t that what’s truly important here?

The in-laws/’rents: Referring (obviously) to Harry’s parents. They very graciously put up with me on a nearly daily basis, and my poor FIL has dealt with more than one panicked phone call from me, and has yet to openly mock me. Also, I invade their home quite frequently so they are used to witnessing first hand some of my more neurotic outbursts. But more about that later. 

The Fam - this consists of me, Harry, Katie, our oldest child, and Christopher, our youngest (but largest) child. We're pretty much all crazy in our own ways. However, I'm probably the only one that's certifiable (thanks, Mom). I'm hoping it's not genetic, for my kids' sake. 
Christopher (Boy) , Harry, Seoul, Katie (Bug), and Nugget
Katie dresses like a punk homeless girl and very rarely matches. I often refer to her as Buggie or Bugs or some variation of because, well, I just do. Also, her nick name as a little kid was Katie-Bug. So it kind of stuck.

Christopher is younger than his sister (by 2 years), but is easily twice her size. I call him The Boy. Or Boy. Or Bubba. Again, because I just do. “Boy” is a term of endearment, and is never said in a derogatory or demeaning way (folks have given me the look because I’ve slipped a couple times and called him “Boy” in public) – it’s more along the lines of “That’s my boy!” kind of thing.

Nugget, the Neurotic Wonder: Our dog. He takes after me.'Nuff said. 

That's our family in a nutshell. The rest is, well, stuff that I say on a frighteningly regular basis.

Murderer(s): Usually I'm picturing a ninja(s).
Ninjas can hide almost anywhere

They can be sneaky.

Very sneaky!

Murderers can also be any variation of this guy:

This guy is not so very sneaky.

Freak out: This usually refers to my panic attacks over just about everything. I use this a lot.
This is what a freak out looks like.

Nature: This is always said in a derogatory way. And I always capitalize it. Because I HATE Nature...always. It’s dirty. And smelly. And full of things that can kill you. And dirty. REALLY dirty.

Rape Van: This is any kind of truck, van or large vehicle that I have deemed creepy or scary. And if it’s a panel van, it gets upgraded to Death Machine. Harry has claimed sometimes these kinds of vehicles can be "awesome" but I have no idea what he means by that. Seriously, I don't.
Rape van/Deathmachine. Not to be confused with...

...This AWESOME van with a wizard airbrushed on the side!

Poor Harry: This is possibly the most repeated phrase you will read. For obvious reasons. This poor man puts up with me on a daily basis and is willing to do things like illustrate my inane babbling, and do so with not-nearly-detailed-enough-direction like "So draw some Nature, but make it, you know, like how I think Nature is. Not all happy like you like it."

These are just a few among many (quite possibly hundreds) of things that will tumble out of my mouth on a regular basis. Hopefully this will help you understand my Seoul-Speak so you can fully appreciate the unique and original way I view the world. If not, don't worry. Harry's been with me for over 20 years and he still doesn't understand what I'm saying. Hell, half the time I don't know what I'm saying. So good luck!  
Yup, Good luck!

Friday, August 19, 2011

Baskets, Ribbons and Glue: A Story of Tragic Disappointment and Epic Failure

Once upon a time there was a boy who met a girl. They fell in love and decided to get married. The boy was very creative and crafty and wanted to make special hand-made wedding favors for all the guests - little white flower & ribbon bedecked baskets filled with homemade chocolate truffles (the boy could also make confections like a pro).

 The girl was excited because she thought this meant that he would make these baskets and they would be SO PRETTY!

However, her joy was short-lived when he explained to her that she would be making the baskets with him.
   Her heart filled with dread. She would have to tell the boy that she was not, in fact, perfect.

That she was tragically born without a Crafty gene.

 She was Craft Deficient.

When she told the boy, he thought she was being humbly modest about her abilities, because who couldn't glue some ribbon and flowers onto a basket? He reassured her that all would be well and she would make beautiful baskets for their Day of Bliss.

Soon, Basket Day was upon her and the girl had arrived at the boy's house only to discover that not only would the two of them be making baskets, but he had elicited other family members to help (turns out his whole damn family is a bunch of crafting machines). However, once she saw the supplies laid out and was given instruction on how to decorate, she was put at ease.

 It's just glue! And ribbon! Relief washed over her as she was confident that even

could handle this simple task.

She was wrong.

The End.

So pretty...